I got my book in the mail today! It's not a very long read, so I've jumped right in. I'm learning alot about myself and my parenting technique in the process. I am ashamed to say that I have evolved into an authoritarian (a.k.a. bossy britches) parent! It seems like I am going to have to work very very hard to reverse my bad habits.
Today has been interesting with Hayden. This morning I asked him if he wanted oatmeal (to which he made a face) or an egg and toast (to which he said yes). I came downstairs and fixed our breakfasts and when I called him down to eat, he proclaimed that he didn't want to eat that. He wanted me to fix him baby oatmeal. Normally I would argue with him until I got myself so worked up that I would yell, but not this morning. I calmly put the baby oatmeal back in the pantry and told him he could eat what I fixed or go to school hungry. He went to school hungry. Then he had a bad day there. Oops. But honestly, one of the first things it says in this book is that you can't MAKE your kids do anything. If you are reading this, remember that forever! It is an important fact!!! So, you can't MAKE your kid eat. They either will or they won't. But you CAN make it less comfortable for them later if they don't. That is, don't give them a snack an hour after meal-time. If dinner is done, it's done. I'm just not comfortable with Hayden "grazing" all day. He can have a snack at 3 pm if he doesn't want to eat lunch. I think that that is pretty reasonable.
Anyway, he got home from school in a foul mood and proclaimed that he wasn't going to come in from the van. I asked him calmly to come in and eat lunch (to which he said "No I'm not" in a snarky attitude), then I walked away. I also shut the garage door and the back hatch to the van. He came in a few minutes later ready to eat. Well, that worked. I had him put what he wanted on his plate and he ate every bite!!! One more point for me. He asked if he could play the PSP and I said no. He said "Please please please. Why not?". I told him that I didn't like how he had talked to me or his daddy earlier. He said he was sorry (to which I said thank you that made me feel better) and asked again if he could play the PSP. Here is the tricky part...you have to say no again to hold him to the original consequence!!! So I did! Of course he threw a fit which we had to ignore. Then I told him he could go clean his room. And he said no, he would play on the computer. So, I left it at that. BUT when he asked later if he could watch TV, I told him no b/c he had not done what I asked. He went to his room and whined and cried and then he fell asleep. He woke up a much happier kid, except that he still was not allowed to watch TV until he cleaned his room. It didn't take long for him to do that when he realized I wasn't budging. Then we had some dinner and he watched a little TV until he got mad b/c I wouldn't come to see a commercial (he's asking me to come watch them all the time) and he came over and hit me. I told him not to hit and that I was turning off the TV until he apologized. Then he whined and cried for around 10 minutes until he FINALLY apologized and I turned the TV back on. Hopefully in the future I won't have to prompt him for the apology.
I think things are headed in the right direction, but I know it's going to be really bad before it gets better. I'm really learning about what kind of parent I want to be. Looking forward to what Day 3 has in store.
Today has been interesting with Hayden. This morning I asked him if he wanted oatmeal (to which he made a face) or an egg and toast (to which he said yes). I came downstairs and fixed our breakfasts and when I called him down to eat, he proclaimed that he didn't want to eat that. He wanted me to fix him baby oatmeal. Normally I would argue with him until I got myself so worked up that I would yell, but not this morning. I calmly put the baby oatmeal back in the pantry and told him he could eat what I fixed or go to school hungry. He went to school hungry. Then he had a bad day there. Oops. But honestly, one of the first things it says in this book is that you can't MAKE your kids do anything. If you are reading this, remember that forever! It is an important fact!!! So, you can't MAKE your kid eat. They either will or they won't. But you CAN make it less comfortable for them later if they don't. That is, don't give them a snack an hour after meal-time. If dinner is done, it's done. I'm just not comfortable with Hayden "grazing" all day. He can have a snack at 3 pm if he doesn't want to eat lunch. I think that that is pretty reasonable.
Anyway, he got home from school in a foul mood and proclaimed that he wasn't going to come in from the van. I asked him calmly to come in and eat lunch (to which he said "No I'm not" in a snarky attitude), then I walked away. I also shut the garage door and the back hatch to the van. He came in a few minutes later ready to eat. Well, that worked. I had him put what he wanted on his plate and he ate every bite!!! One more point for me. He asked if he could play the PSP and I said no. He said "Please please please. Why not?". I told him that I didn't like how he had talked to me or his daddy earlier. He said he was sorry (to which I said thank you that made me feel better) and asked again if he could play the PSP. Here is the tricky part...you have to say no again to hold him to the original consequence!!! So I did! Of course he threw a fit which we had to ignore. Then I told him he could go clean his room. And he said no, he would play on the computer. So, I left it at that. BUT when he asked later if he could watch TV, I told him no b/c he had not done what I asked. He went to his room and whined and cried and then he fell asleep. He woke up a much happier kid, except that he still was not allowed to watch TV until he cleaned his room. It didn't take long for him to do that when he realized I wasn't budging. Then we had some dinner and he watched a little TV until he got mad b/c I wouldn't come to see a commercial (he's asking me to come watch them all the time) and he came over and hit me. I told him not to hit and that I was turning off the TV until he apologized. Then he whined and cried for around 10 minutes until he FINALLY apologized and I turned the TV back on. Hopefully in the future I won't have to prompt him for the apology.
I think things are headed in the right direction, but I know it's going to be really bad before it gets better. I'm really learning about what kind of parent I want to be. Looking forward to what Day 3 has in store.
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